Not so many months ago, I was at my midwife's office discussing tomato plants. She mentioned big FAT tomato worms and how much she hated them. I shrugged this off because I had never seen one. It's been a great very fruitful summer for our tomato plants and I was happy to report that I still had never seen a tomato worm....until last week. My husband came into the house to tell me to come see this HUGE "caterpillar". Well, that disgusting, horrid, long, fat, green caterpillar was, in fact, a tomato worm! YUK! Since then my tomatoes are popping up with big fat holes! Did I mention YUK? Anyway, eventually those nasty little "worms" turn into moths.
My point actually has nothing to do with moths, tomatoes, or those nasty tomato worms. As the title suggests, it has to do with butterflies: I remember driving back from North Dakota with my parents and Todd after I had met Todd's family for the first time. I had really fallen in love with him on that trip, seeing him through their eyes. I had butterflies when I looked at him and new that I really did love him. Well, since seeing Lance I have had butterflies almost constantly! I wake up in the middle of the night to: butterflies. I turn on my computer to check my email to see if I have any news from an agency: butterflies. I give my babies at home kisses and hugs and think of adding Lance to the mix: butterflies. I have never had so many butterflies! I think part of those butterflies come from caring so much and yet having so many hoops to jump through. There are so many chances, possibilities, and what ifs about the upcoming process. Many of them are exciting, but many of them bring fears and anxiety - "What if something goes wrong?" "What if the social worker doesn't like us?" "What if the state denies our application?" "What if something happens to Lance?" "What if....."
"Be anxious for nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God."
Psalm 25: 1-3
To You, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
2 O my God, I trust in You;
Let me not be ashamed;
Let not my enemies triumph over me.
3 Indeed, let no one who waits on You be ashamed;
Let those be ashamed who deal treacherously without cause.
The Lord is my strength and my shield;
My heart trusted in Him, and I am helped;
Therefore my heart greatly rejoices,
And with my song I will praise Him.
So I thank the Lord for the butterflies because they remind me how much I already love Lance. I thank the Lord, because as much as I love Lance I know that God loves him even more!