The last week has been really full for me. We went to Denver over the weekend to do some of our required parent training classes for our adoption. It was terrific to walk into the building of our Home Study Agency and see how well established they are and see the walls lined in every room with families who have successfully brought their children home.
I was also very blessed with the opportunity to visit a beautiful little girl who is currently in the Children's Hospital who was just brought home from Lance's country! I visited with an amazing woman (nogreaterjoymom.com) and an equally amazing dad (http://www.nogreaterjoydad.com) I want to take some time later to post about those visits.
Ok, so on to my journal! Here is my disclaimer: this is a difficult post for me to write because of the little one that is introduced here. My current thoughts and memories are added in black.
JOURNAL ENTRY DAY 2 in Romania (PART 2)
March 18th, 2002
There's a little boy in the "Big Room" named Lievu who is only a few months old but they said he has CP and has a really hard time breathing. I think the only reason he doesn't cry is because it hurts him too much. He is the most beautiful little boy! I wanted to hold him all day - actually, I confess that I can't wait to see him tomorrow. His eyes follow my face and he has the prettiest long, curly black eyelashes. (OH how writing this floods my heart and soul with the remembrance of those little eyes) His poor little chest rattles and I can hear him wheezing even after he's asleep. (There was no true rest for this little one - awake or asleep)I'll have to keep him in prayers each day. I wish I could take the pain which is so obvious in his beautiful little face.
I hate that "old school" camera that took awful pictures and my inability to upload them properly to my computer - I apologize.
Oh my heart - I truly cannot express the love I was given for this boy.
There is so much to do here , not enough arms to do it. I guess I'll have more to say tomorrow, but I don't want to keep the girls up ....I did want to write how thankful I am for all that God has done. He is truly humbling me. I don't know why He chose to let me come or even more so why He chose not to give me a life of suffering on filthy streets with an empty stomach. He's blessed and protected me so much that my mind cannot even begin to comprehend some of the sorrow that happens everyday all over the world.
Just as I had sat down this evening to write my dad I hear a couple of "POP"s and being so used to living in my little, yellow "dollhouse" I brushed it off as "most certainly being fireworks" until Amber acknowledged it as being a bad sound. I suddenly woke up to the reality of this city and the sounds that I so easily dismissed two seconds ago were actually the firing shots of a gun. What happened I will never know, but my eyes and ears were opened to yet another somebody's reality.
Oh friends, these things are real! The suffering in these countries IS REAL! Some days I wonder why I am so filled with this burden for these children...and as I read back through my journal and look at the (granted pitiful attempt at picture taking) photos and I am FLOODED with memories - many which are just too much to try to express in a blog post. I remember holding and touching these very real children, I remember leaving them and not being able to go back and save them....I am filled with regret for not doing more for them, for not holding and rocking Lievu more. For not begging to just sleep at the hospital so I could get the most out of my time there. I have so many regrets and I know that a time will come when God will ask me what I have done for the "least of these" and I will have to answer to that. I am able to bring Lance home this time! I am able to make a difference in this special boy - who in many ways reminds me so much of Lievu. I pray that I can make a difference to more, but for today I continue to move toward bringing Lance home so that I can show him love and care daily (and nightly!) Please pray for OUR journey and remember those children in Romania who have not been allowed to be adopted internationally for too many years.