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I am constantly amazed by God's grace. Today in particular, while I was tearfully mulling over pictures and videos of the two little lives that I had to leave across the world last week I marvel over the complete and full love that God has given me for them. I remember very well giving birth to my oldest child 8 years ago. I was so filled with a love and utter joy at being given such a precious gift. I remember thinking that there was no possible way I could love any other child to that extent. Of course God gave me Lenora a few years later and almost a year ago he gave me Louis. With each biological child my heart was filled to the point where I felt it would completely burst with the happiness and love I have for them.
Adoption, if you have read early on in the process, is something I always wanted to do. I will confess though that after giving birth to children, I began to doubt if I could love an adopted child as fully as I love my biological children. LET ME ASSURE YOU I HAVE NO MORE DOUBTS!!! It is not the blood flowing through a child's veins that makes you love them, it is God who fills you with a love for them when He gives them to you as your child. This is no different because a child is not biological. I look at the pictures and videos of Elliott and Lance from only a week or two weeks ago and I feel that exact same "heart-bursting" love for them. I ache to have them in my home, to tuck them in and kiss them good night. I look around for them subconsciously already realizing that they are missing. My heart is divided in two places: here with 3 of my children and my husband, and thousands of miles away in Europe with Elliott and Lance.
Missing and praying for my little angels. I know as much as I am aching for them, I understand the process and I know "why" we are apart for now. They are left alone AGAIN and do NOT understand, they are feeling confused and abandoned and this time because of me. Lord, have mercy and give them peace and comfort while they wait.