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This is really more for my own sake than anything. It's the night before I fly to Bulgaria to pick up my baby boys. I am so full of varied emotions.
Sadness...Yep, I had to say good bye to my little ones tonight knowing that when I come home our lives...their lives will never be the same. I don't want to leave them and worry about how things will go while I'm gone and if they will be ok.
Worried...How are Lance and Elliott going to respond to their new lives? A new world, sights, sounds, smells, language, tastes...the list could go on forever it seems. Will they be ok? Will they have changed? For the better? For worse? What will their needs really look like? How will we adjust to one another? Will they resent me for taking them from their "world", the only world they have ever known?
Anxious....How will the flights go? Will I make it to the airport in time? What if I over sleep...
Amazed....After more than a year, paperwork by the pound, constantly wondering how things will work out/if they will work out. Will this adoption actually happen? Is it possible for our family to really be able to bring these precious ones home? The time has finally come!!! In 3 days the boys will be in my arms forever!!
EXCITED....no matter what other things I am feeling right now, the most prominent one is excited!! I am about to get on my first of a series of flights that will take me to my little boys' country! I will get to walk into their orphanages and walk back out with them forever. They will never have to feel alone or unloved again. Never again will they spend a night alone or cold, never will they lie in a hospital bed without a loving parent to sit next to them and hold their hand. I get to hold them and care for them, I get to be their mom and love them!! Praise God for letting me be their mom!!