This is hard

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No matter how many times you hear it, it never sinks in until it's you.  We inquired about Lance the end of September of last year and had committed to him by the middle of October.  I listened to good friends who were aching to have their children home after the long journey that is adoption and I ached for them.  I heard their cries and wondered if I would feel the same way. 

Now, here we are, 10 months in and 2 months since I returned from meeting my children for the first time.  The first weeks were busy and I have been keeping occupied with organizing a mission trip to Elliott's orphanage, organizing things around the house, and planning Elliana's school for the year.  We have had lots of company over the last month and in general...life has been BUSY.  So busy, that I really thought to myself "Boy, I am doing really well just forging through and not going crazy."  I had lots of moments throughout the days that I would think of my little guys and miss them and every time someone asks how many kids I have I am so excited to answer because I get to talk about Elliott and Lance! Overall, though, I was doing really well.  Until, this week.  I have been busy still, but it seems that the longer I am away from my boys and the closer to FOREVER that I get to them, the more I think about them.  No matter what else I am doing, I am imagining life with them home and planning things around them!

School - how much time will I have realistically to help Elliana one on one ONCE THE BOYS ARE HOME?

Car - I need to clean out the car and get it listed to sell so we can buy a car that will FIT THE BOYS
....and further more, what kind of car should that be?  A van that can be converted to handicap accessible at some point?...and that reminds me that I still need to get a carseat for Elliott.

Sale! There's a great sale on kids' clothes.  I should see if I need anything .... oh boy! What will the boys need?  What sizes are they? What size do I think they will be in 6 months?

Groceries. That reminds me I need to buy milk...MILK! I wonder how I'm going to get enough calories into Lance, what back up plans should I have for feeding him in country if he decides not to take a bottle?

I'm rambling again here.  I just am making a point that it really doesn't matter what I'm doing, at this point I am constantly thinking about my little boys half way around the world.  I'm worried about them and I miss them more than you can imagine.  This is a HARD process.  When I feel like wallowing in self pity though, I remember that my little boys' lives have been far harder than I can ever imagine and whatever frustrations I have are nothing compared to their daily realities.